selections from the library of a mad heiress

 

 

• topher thoth's book of sloths

• teddy barnstaller's white hot eel explanation

• the sinner and the deep blue sea

• bruiser's big day

• love's in vogue again

• no country for men without hats

• life before the submariners

• roller skates on skinny legs

• tanner took a tan shit on a tin roof: 101 memorable lessons in alliteration

• uninvited vape pen: a reader's digest drama in real life

• drama in real life: caught picking his nose in a room full of mirrors

• when the fruit flies are in bloom: a y.a. coming-of-age story

• are you there siri, it's me margaret

• from the mixed-up pornography files of mrs frankweiler

• interview with the vampire umpire

• job interview with a vampire

• the encyclopedia of unwanted erections

• small town weirdos: a play in three acts

• the illustrated guide to truckstop bathroom feng shui

• twelve habits worth dying for: an addiction celebration

• the illustrated encyclopedia of manly fear

• mexican wine tour gone terribly wrong: a reader's digest drama in real life

• the slow jam of j alfred prufrock

• the poison ivy and sumac cookbook

• how to cook fried blat

• when granny won a grammy

• wigwams of the european baroque

• slocum henry's book of gender-neutral limericks

• moby's dick pic (aka white man's whale)

• the many deaths of william strange

• the unsubtle art of giving a f*ck

• the transmogrification of buster sanchez

• diary of a blimpy kid

• last brexit to brooklyn

• the secret pleasure of saying "no" 

• nietzsche burps: seeing philosophers in a new light

• satan's conga line

• blimps vs dirigibles

• incident behind a shower curtain: a reader's digest drama in real life

• pull my finger: a history of low-brow humor

• rainhunter cassiopeia exchange

• zipline to mars: the john conner chronicles

• cookie eats big lump

• hit by a tit: a reader's digest drama in real life

• gunther's bits

• wormed by leonard

• the day everything became diseased and died

• the goat that went bananas

• naked brunch

• the tank battles of 1919

• diffident elbows, truculent knees

• the darpa bums

• oops! a comedy in three accidents

• inky bloaters/mr. nobody

• ender's game of thrones

• mavis and the golden parachute

• baxter crumbyard explains himself

• junk with a beat: a study of 21st-century popular music

• in love with patterson's foot: a memoir

• when big joan sets up

• whitey sings the blues

• zen and the art of cyberbullying

• trout fisting in america

• ballchasers: a history of organized sports

• talkin' your way out of a shark attack 

• timecrimin' with simon

• lady chatterly's part-time lover

• the poems of poppa pisspot

• swinging into trouble: the octavia duckweather story

• hinky frinktards/inky bloaters

• the boy with the whale jar

• diary of a flawed thinking machine

• eat, pray, sext

• goodnight, gender-neutral moon

• birds beaks and bastards

• sandwiched between dwarves (it seemed like a good idea)

• american bullshit: the musical

• limericks of a drowning man

• wrestle me for america you thieving white shit

• the sky inside the door and other tall tales

• our bodies, our tweets

• how to make love to a vampire with a monkey on your knee

• ballet of bullets: love letters from the white american male

• slummin' with siddhartha

• "cock fuck your faggot mother" and other poems

• swords don't get soft

• dogpaste: a life on the run

• from a to b and back again

• the single girl's guide to thermonuclear war

• a lentil for chauncey and other short stories

• the surprising science behind being an asshole

• brown stain, remembered

• runaway ears and preening harlequins: the female lead has yet to be cast

• one less bastard: the collected peoms of stig overseer

• shakespeare for assholes: volume one

• we're as ghosts in this

• civilization and its discotheques

• how to make love with a vampire to a monkey on your knee

• where might around who i can hemp with?

• the joy of sext

• the big book of salty rants

• the bridget jones/luke skywalker diary

• nothing: an illustrated history. with a forward by george plimpton.

• abducted by eels! a reader's digest drama in real life

• egbert's douchy surprise

• kiss me where the sun don't shine: collected poems

• the adventures of huckleberry finn and han solo

• bosoms over broadway

• urbanite, don't let the sun set on you here and other tall tales

• a baller's guide to tibetan monasteries

• warm fart in a cold tub: the collected poems of eloise snead

• from the mixed-up pornography collection of mrs. basil e. frankweiler

• a hedonist's guide to prison living

• the 4-hour twerk week

• horton hears a who live at leeds

• of laughter and forgetting where your keys are

• our non-gendered bodies, our non-cis selves

• the unbearable whiteness of being

• when granny is a tranny

• lady chatterly's brother

• infinite gist

• tinder is the night

• of mice and men at work

• last url to brooklyn

• great sextpectations

• the art of the heart attack: a guide to the big one

• a kwanzaa carol

• their eyes were watching twitter

• nude inside my jetpack: a memoir

• the man who mistook his wife for a pez dispenser

• a brief history of animal sounds in popular music: volume one - parlor songs of the american west/volume two - worksongs of the industrial revolution

• the seven effectives of highly habitual people

• zen and the art of tricycle maintenance

• armchair astronaut quarterly

• the crepes of wrath

• eat, pray, self-love

• the life and times of dropsy smalls

• rosencrantz and guildenstern are culturally cancelled

• the norton anthology of inappropriate workplace texts

• the life and times of arthur 'coconut testicals' jackson (chapter one: it all started in tahiti...)

• oh, the opinions you'll tweet!

• the encyclopedia of misquoted song lyrics: 1944-1973

• something unwoke this way comes

• the encyclopedia of unclassifiable odors

• men are from mars, women are from kandahar province

• the codex of pratfalls and shenanigans

• partner swapping tips from a disgraced former priest

• stuff white people no longer do

• all quiet on the western tweet feed

• the tweets of wrath

• ender's game of thrones

• our bodies, our tweets

• the 100 greatest bowel movements in human history. with a forward by sir david attenborough.

• toilet: an american odyssey

• consumer reports guide to american megachurches

• 101 people who aren't named frank

• why is your mouth so small and infuriating?

• the big book of ignorance

• what color is your poopchute?

• who moved my headcheese?

• capering under a gibbous moon

• the lion, the witch, and the drag queen's wardrobe

• the pictorial encyclopedia of unidentifiable meat products​

• confessions of a transmogrifying stunt pilot

• the pictorial encyclopedia of questionable stains

• love in the time of chloroform

• how to meet educated white people in tall glass buildings

• a girl's guide to spontaneous combustion

• the atlas of emptiness and extremity

• 101 things to do when the toilet paper runs out

• nabokov: the collected tweets

• confessions of a vestibule knave

• learning to despise yourself: a primer in twelve steps

• smells of new york: a scratch and sniff book

• assassin in the food court: reader's digest drama in real life

• hot tub avocado time machine: the collected poems of garth wiggins

• reverse pyschology today

• memoirs of a sneezy tightrope walker

• corpse fucker monthly: a compendium of illicit habits

• the buddhist's guide to half-assery

• minimum wage architectural digest

• a coral sea snake remembers

• 101 memes of the renaissance

• data packet loss in victorian england

• a trowel for esterhauz: a children's coloring book of questionable moral standing

• the erotic banquet caterers of betatauri ix

• the erotic gardening committee of quad mining colony beta xi

• the mathematician and the call girl: a play in three acts

• the joy of sext

• uncircumcised at any speed

• summering with swedes- volume seven: the takedown

• a contrarian's guide to lawn care etiquette

• hashtag, my hashtag

• maddox jolie: my first decade. as told to ingrid sischy

• creech: a play in two acts

• a myopic's guide tocuban jazz

• the bacardi picture book of european automobile fatalities

• your face, reimagined

• the boy scouts guide to twelve-tone composition

• an octopus for agnes, a cephalopod for binky, a jellyfish for jocko

• cloudy, with a chance of corn

• the world according to barky sweatbox

• betwixt and between two nethers: the collected poems of anastasia fiercely

• truncheon: the illustrated quarterly journal of police brutality

• requiem for a toe ring

• portrait of the artist as an iredeemable young hooligan

• in selfies begin responsibilities: the collected poems of baxter yum yum

• murder most foul, murder most absent: a crime-free detective novel

• prawns: the impossible dream

• encyclopedia brown and the case of the fatal tweet

• confessions of a nose picking surrealist, confessions of a love boat watching anarchist

• the fanboy who came in from the cold: a cosplay tale of intrigue

• the day cities swam in air, the day cities became memories

• the boy who disobeyed time

• the bootsy collins book of urban etiquette

• cell phones of the baroque: an illustrated history/prank calls of the mesozoic

• brining with pete: an eight volume series

• essential oils: notes byeuropean scentologist manfred von otto 

• memoirs of an aqueduct

• lady chatterly's investment advisor

• buffalo henry's big book of species-nuetral seduction techniques

• hoovering with bartleby, volume four

• hortepence tuppins remembers- the shy mime interviews

• discus huranius and the misery of the elocution feed

• sweets for the entitled: peasley quarthound's recipe book of decadent donuts

• arc welding for dummies

• ode to a princesse's hindquarters: the collected poems of turnigut foulmore

• frenemies: an uneasy love story

• 6 strings, 4 walls: a life lived in music

• prelude to the afternoon of a popsicle jerkstick

• a brief history of nothing

• mad heiress press presents the big book of cannibal holiday puns

• hildegard of bingen: the collected tweets

• the divorcee and the houseboat: a coloring book for ages 4-6

• atlas twerked

• the great american breast: an odyssey of discovery by p. wilhelm winkle

• an illustrated history of social anxiety among the ghosts of the civil war dead

• are you there god? it's me, drexel

• embarassed by wolves: the lucian espinosa story

• a crossbow for agnes, an ear pygmy in manhattan 

• memes of the baroque era: an illustrated history

• willard jenkins and the ghost ship of sectarian violence

• our bodies, our shelves

• gertrude stein's book of preventative dentistry 

• meal ticket: the magazine for enterprising social climbers

• budd romack's book of forbidden things

• cab rides with antonin artuad

• chastity boatswain and the mystery of the melancholy axeman

• the spatter pattern coloring book: for crime-curious kids ages 4-8

• the melancholic chocolateer

• felicity slackjaw vs. the hipster contagion ray

• kim kardashian's big book of self-deception

• a stroll amongst the mandrakes

• dalliance in a rocket tube, tenderness beneath the gantry: quigley hottentot remembers

• breastplate: the monthly magazine of anti-personnel fashion

• a nosegay for algernon

• ejection seat: a journal of forcible exfiltration

• what robots do when nobody's looking

• fanny pack: the magazine of unfortunate fashion choice

• burritoing kevin's mom: a play in three acts

• vomitorium: a choose your own adventure book

• crime and punishment: an afterschool special

• the feedback loop: a journal of cognitive dissonance

• deep within the udders of my mind

• an assembly line of hollywood jank n' thrash

• our bodies, their rules

• sexting the abbess

• confessions of a kitten lipped whiskey faggot

• everyone has pink eye

• the billy nevins: wife and two kids

• ham and swiss: a sandwich in three acts

• the man who ate all his meals in the bathrooms of chinese restaurants

• a tale of two spool feeds

• a bump on the head, and other stories by ogden quixote ogden

• titan nightshade and the contralto of doom

• 'ere the cock crows twelvsies: a collection by dirk thrushrobin

• restrooms of schenectady volume xii

• my time amongst the hermaphrodites of mu-mu,: memoirs of barrisford korngold, obe

• how to urinate on a sea snake

• the man who could not unremember zip codes

• kiss me in the shadow of the burning building

• a brief history of air

• bastard (time cop reacharound)

• the man who fell in love with street names

• when textiles attack

• portapotty quarterly

• love in the time of temporal displacement

• reprobate: a magazine for the unrepentant

• ringleader: a magazine of organized crime

• disaster poems. volume one: steamship sinkings

• a survey of midwest kitchen scenes: 1963-1968

• a survey of southwestern elevator scenes: 1981-1989

• the rock critic who hated himself 

• co-opting the art forms of the dispossessed: the honky intellectual's love affair with negro art

• bobbie sue vs. the fictitious covariance matrix

• the binding power of mulch: a twelve part study

• what to expect when you're expectorating

• man urinates on self, others

• the best way for an irishman to break wind

• the lusty imaginings of consumer bacon

• 101 workplace-appropriate nazi jokes

• how to avoid big ships: an instructional play in three acts

• meet me in the containment rod' and other stories by appomatox happenstance

• shark attack! a coloring book for children

• boy's life presents: the big book of jamaican organized crime

• titus and the testical thieves

• the night of the homicidal mime: a story for children

• cragley and the old main drag: an irish mystery for boys

• the critic: a novel of intellectual suspense

• the devil's calliope

• the fakeries: a novel by what's his name

• fingering the pisshole and other poems

• in wet dreams begin responsibilities

• friendly corpse: the magazine of japanese fashion

• kiss me on the shitter, and other poems, by jock bisquitte

• bear attack! a coloring book for children 

• of watercolors and diarrhea: a memoir by ribbons jernigan

• handshake then sonic attack: an autobiography by govinda consuelo

• blogger, tweeter, selfie, spy. a new novel by john le carre, vi

• when cattleprod brushes skin

• cannibal tree sloth

• something nipply this way comes/a connecticut nipple in king arthur's court

• my life as an embatted off-world cosmonaut

• communicating cultural authority: boutique music festival as fetish object

• a rainbow in fetid air

• the man who mistook his wife for a tiktok influencer

• slowly, with applesauce

• how painful is the shark attack and other poems

• in bed with rumpole, and other poems

• the cross-dressing gaucho: a journal of personal discovery

• sleazy feeling from a pop singer: a telepathic memoir by billy nevins

• pants v. slacks

• love in the time of inertial dampening: a novel for our time

• haircuts of the anarchists, volume one

• i know you are but what am i: how to win arguments like a sixth grader 

• my life as a chinese light junky

• thin white yoga bitch: a novel

• embarque christobal and the soggy parapelegic

• the brodude guide to international diplomacy

• of nostrils and remains: a memoir by hampton ran-ran

• dax mccantliss's book of flamethrower poetry. volume one: scortched earth policy of the soul

• the lusty carpetbaggers of synthetic protein outpost a-17-x-11

• dirtclod: the life and times of chandler p. suett

• propane tank: the magazine of imminent mayhem

• artemis spoolboy's book of playground etiquette

• memoirs of a hypochondriac grave robber

• meet me in the abattoir

• the helpful scrotum: a japanese book for children

• of airships and genital warts

• the queer animal trapper's almanac

• the girl scout's guide to human sex trafficking

• contrails quarterly: for lovers of aircraft contrails

• there's an ostrich in my hovercraft!

• the boy scout's guide to organ harvesting

• death wears an otter

• meet me in the containment facility: collected short stories by appomatox happenstance

• starfucker from planet time: a memoir by butters chenowith