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the fairground - bill nelson
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    • "it was horrible. there was nothing i could do but watch. the cougar drank nearly all the oj and put the carton back in the fridge with just a few drops left. i knew the next day our kids would be super cranky in the morning without oj to start their day."

    • "this hippo totally photo bombed our family pictures and ruined every single shot."

    • "so this massive shark surfaced right next to our catamaran and totally got my fiance and me soaking wet with a slap of its fin. and we'd just finished drying off."

    • "what a total dick of a bear. i'd just finished cleaning up our campsite. we come back from a final hike to find stuff scattered all over the place and all our food gone. total dick bear."

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  • next on workplace performance art: pete hangs laundry out to dry in his cubicle. thatch asks his co-workers if he can borrow their toothbrush.

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  • next on viking beancounters: all rejoice! gnashing of teeth and lamentations of women are up 17% this quarter. smisgar has some great news from our rape & pillage expedition conference.

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  • next on celebrity dictator: saint kardashian rules zambia and opens a big game park, where transgender vegan tigers are bred. zambians rejoice at free ipads and vitamin water suplments.

  • next on celebrity dictator: former secretary of state angelina jolie rules ghana with a firm yet benevolent hand.

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  • next on nazi self esteem: courtney gruppenfuehrer offers these self-help tips: when in low spirits, annex the sudetenland. and blitzkrieg feeling of insecurity with a spirited round of goose-stepping and austrian milking songs.

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  • next on the nazi feng shui expert: buddha sanchez helps a transgendered nazi clown accessorize his summer home.

  • next on nazi life coach: "do as i say, not as i do."

  • next on accountants with issues: garth refuses to decouple from the feed tube

  • next on the honest song titles show: we asked some of today's most eminent senior rock stars to pen tunes that accurately describe their lives as aging rockers. first up is paul mccartney, serenading us with his tender ballad, draggin' this leaky anus all over town. 

  • next on t-minus martin todd presents: the man who forgot to wipe: martin's long-suffering chinese maid mai mai is heard to exclaim "why you so smelly, mistah todd?" 

  • next on waverly pendrake, digital libertine: wavery trolls the forbidden byways of the internet, while wearing his favorite smoking jacket. and courtney nightshade encounters an unintended exchange of bodily fluids on the corner sunset and vine.

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  • next on comedians in cars building improvised explosive devices: paula poundstone and chelsea warmaker perform human sacrifice rituals while stuck in traffic.

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